Mad Cows by Kathy Lette

Every woman wants to be wanted…but just not by the entire Metropolitan police force.

Maddy Wolfe's first day out with her newborn takes a Kafkaesque turn when she's wrongfully arrested in Harrods for shoplifting. The only person she can turn to is her hot-to-trot ex-lover Alex, who proves himself as useful as a solar-powered vibrator on a rainy day. When will he realize that a paternity suit is not the latest look in men’s leisureware?

How do you brief a lawyer with a heat-seeking penis that doesn’t report to mission control? And why the hell is Maddy’s friend Gillian searching for a sperm happy to get egg all over its face?